As a new bride I’ve been reading books and books about
advice and tips on marriage. I tend to be like that. Once I’m interested in
something I obsess over it. You should’ve seen me at the peak of my Doctor Who
obsession; it wasn’t pretty. I expect that when I’m ‘expecting’ I’ll be
hunching over books and guides on what to expect and how to take care of little
ones. Anyways, I have come across a guide book called ‘The New Bride Guide’ by
Ellie Kay. I have to say it’s been very helpful. I have been flipping through
its pages earlier yesterday and came across a piece about the three basic needs
of a man. It includes: Sexual Fulfillment, Respect, and To Be Needed.
The sexual fulfillment part got me interested. Ellie goes on
talking about the difference between sex and sexual fulfillment. The
fulfillment part is connected to his emotional needs. Women, including myself,
have assumed that men are after the physical need for sex. We don’t realize how
important it is emotionally for them. I learned that the importance of sexual
fulfillment to men is the importance of having an emotional connection is to
women. Denying sexual fulfillment to your spouse is like a slap in the face.
Yes, we women might not be in the mood or we’re tired and that’s the last thing
on our mind but think of the situation reversed. Let’s say you come home from
work and you are exhausted and had a horrible day. What’s the first thing you
want to do? You want to talk to your spouse about it. You want to drain out
your emotions by connecting with your spouse, via by speech usually. But let’s
say he ignores you and continues to turn up the volume of the t.v. while
watching a football game. He shuts you out. How would that make you feel?
Insignificant? Unloved? I’ve talked to J about it and he said to me, “That’s
exactly how I would feel if you were to say no to me in having sexual relations
with me. I would feel unloved and unimportant in your eyes because you are
denying me something I need.”
We women have to accept that sex is on their minds. It’s how
they are wired, just like we are wired the complete opposite. Most likely we
are good for a few months after one night of sex. We can last for a long time.
Men are, as Jeff Foxworthy pointed out, are like bottle rockets. My point is, maybe we should make more of an
effort to give our spouses what they need, just like we expect them to make an
effort to listen to us in our need of emotional satisfaction. I can’t promise
you anything but I have noticed that afterward J’s mood would change a lot
better than before. He would talk more with me and joke with me. He’s more
relaxed too.
I hope this has been informative and helpful. Have a great
Monday!
