I Have Terrible Anxieties

 I will have to apologize ahead of time if this post gets you down. This is something I wanted to talk about that I hope people can relate and share. I would love to hear advice and words of wisdom.

I was talking to my mom yesterday about my wedding photos when suddenly I wanted to talk to her about something I heard in the news about a week ago. It was something so horrible I don't want to tell you what it was about and ruin your day (or the next three days of your life). As I was telling my mother about it I starting to sob and saying, "Who would do that to an infant?!" Her and I talked some more about it and I've realized that I'm becoming more sensitive on things, in particularly about children.

My mother, who is an amazing and wise woman, said, "Honey, you are getting to that stage in your life where you are thinking about kids and babies and because of that you'll start to feel emotions like you've never felt before."

She's right. I am thinking about children-but I don't want to have one right away but the feelings are still there- and I start to think and brood. Now when I sit and brood to myself, I start to play the "what if" game. I start to come up with scenarios that just makes my mood worse. Sometimes I talk to J about these feelings but generally I just keep to myself so I don't scare him off.

We've talked about a scenario that my child is, well, to put it delicately, special. Please don't get me wrong; I have made friends with one or two kids with disabilities as a teenager. I remember during my sophomore year in high school I skipped half of the day to attend the Special Olympics in Oklahoma with a sweet girl to cheer for her. I know in my heart I will love that baby. I think a lot of parents with special children would understand when I say that I would grieve for my baby because they will never get to experience things that normal children would. It kills me the thought that my child would be made fun of because other kids don't understand. I mean we live in a cruel, mean world where anyone who is different ends up being isolated from the rest.

Does anyone get these anxieties too? Is this something that new mommies face as well?